Puzzle of Love
by htbookreader1
Summary: The captain said that wearing dress made her look like a sheep walking on its hind legs. why should that bother kaylee so much? Why would mal say that? set during "Shindig" but with major twists and another love not who you think! R&R please!


**So first firefly fan fic. Pretty excited. Hope people read this...Anyway its gonna be a story (not just a one shot) Its set during "Shindig" But this is not at all how shindig is (except that theres a ball and mal and kaylee go) Please tell me what you think. I hope this is good!! **

Puzzles of Love

_What are you gonna do in that rig?_

The girl who spoke to machines heard his words clatter in her mind as she fiddled around the engine room. She could not understand why her stomach her so much because of a couple of mean words from the captain.

_Bounce around the room?_

Kaylee rolled her eyes. The captain was just being…well…captainly. He was acting as himself, no other way to describe his behavior. He probably meant it as a joke.

Not that little Kaylee was laughing.

_You'd look like a sheep walkin' around on its hind legs._

That was when Kaylee felt a tear fall from her cheek. But she brushed it aside with her greasy hand like it was a small little nothing. She looked down at her hands and stared at them for a solitary moment. Sounds and noises buzzed and squeaked all around her engine room, as she stared at her grimy, greasy, hands.

"Cap'n's probably right," Kaylee whispered, "I'm made for machine work'ns and that's 'bout it. Why'd he have to be right?"

But what the girl really wondered was why did she care?

And why was she so fascinated by her stained hands, fingers, and fingernails.

_Wouldn't see Inara looking like this. No sir, she has fine hands. _

Inara could wear that shiny, beautiful gown with the pink ruffles. And Inara, Kaylee knew, would look stunning in it. Kaylee began to picture how Inara would look in Kaylee's dress, walking down the steps on _Serenity._

Kaylee saw everyone on the ship staring at Inara. She saw Mal looking at Inara most fondly. That made Kaylee's cheeks red, despite of their smudges and dirt. It made Kaylee's heart beat a mite bit faster too. Seeing how Mal's eyes looked so keenly at Inara…

The mechanic shook her head. This was silly, she was practically in love with Simon. Not that things with Simon were going so great. Not that things with Simon even existed.

Not that Kaylee was surprised. Who'd want to be with a girl covered in engine grease?

"Well nobody that's who," said Kaylee quietly. "Definitely not Mal."

Kaylee blinked when she heard herself say that. She raised a brow. That did not sound right. None of this was sounding right. Everything was get'n all muddled.

Kaylee's mind turned to Mal. She thought about his smile, and the way his hair fell over his eyes when the wind pulled at it. She thought about the way his warm hands felt when he squeezed her own cool one.

She had told him she was cold and she was numb.

Mal had draped a blanket over his wounded crewmember, over his little Kaylee, over his mei-mei.

Kaylee had known that things were not going well. Not well at all. The ship needed him, the crew needed him. But, he had made sure she was okay. But he had seen to her needs…in a way that no other man had.

Though Kaylee was now in a warm engine room, had been on hot planets, and felt sweat on her brow many times, she could not recall a time when she had felt warmer.

Or safer.

Or more in love.

Kaylee ran out of the engine room, through the nooks and corridors of the ship, until she was in her own room. She took a breath and sighed. The engine room had made her dizzy, now, in her own room she would be able to think straight.

But the change of scenery brought no change to her thoughts.

They were full of Mal.

Kaylee stood up and walked to her mirror. She was confronted by a girl, who looked nothing like a girl. The face staring at the mechanic was covered with engine grease. The mirror image's hair was knotted and just as full of griminess as the face had been.

The eyes that stared back at her were brimming with sadness and loneliness. They were so childlike and timid, as if they had never seen the great big 'verse before. Kaylee had been afraid before in her life, but she had never seen how her eyes portrayed her fear.

Mal could never think she was pretty, not pretty enough to wear those shiny dresses, or pretty enough like Inara, or pretty enough to…to…

To love.

Kaylee groaned.

"Gorramitt!"

Her outburst attracted a knock on her door.

Kaylee jumped but said, "Come in."

To her surprise, River walked into the room.

"Hello," said Kaylee.

River nodded. Her eyes searched the room curiously.

"Looking for something?" Kaylee asked, rather hopeful that River would just leave. Kaylee needed to be alone right now. She had things to think about, and River would really get in the way of sorting out her head.

"It's like a puzzle," said River looking at Kaylee.

"What's a puzzle?" Kaylee asked.

"Thoughts," answered River logically. "Separately they do not compute sensibly. But if you finish the puzzle…"

She stopped speaking and pointed to Kaylee. "You've got something in there."

Kaylee misheard her and began to run her fingers through her hair.

River groaned. "Not in your hair," she pointed to her own head. "In there. A little secret for little Kaylee. Too afraid to tell."

Kaylee raised a brow. "What are you talking about?"

River mimicked Kaylee's raised brow. "You're scared of finishing the puzzle. Scared of the picture you'll make."

"No, no, I'm not scared or noth'n," said Kaylee looking down at her hands trying to get rid of some of the stains.

River shrugged and put her hands behind her back. "I understand secrets. Sometimes they make your head hurt so much you think you are going to die. But you won't."

"Why are you telling me this?" Kaylee asked crossing her arms at the intruder.

"I heard a noise," explained River. "An angry noise."

Kaylee shrugged. "It was probably Jayne."

River smiled. "It is second nature isn't it?"

"What?"

"Lying," said River quietly.

Kaylee blushed. "Maybe you should leave River."

River nodded. "I understand it is difficult to be around someone like me." She tilted her head so that much of her long hair fell in front of her face. "Difficult to be around the captain too I expect."

The mechanic with the puzzled heart gave the broken fugitive a cross look.

River stood normally, turned around, and began to walk out of Kaylee's room. But, before she left, she stopped and turned to face Kaylee.

"Knowing doesn't have to be scary Kaylee," she said softly.

In a second, River had gone, leaving Kaylee alone with her thoughts.

How did River know? Was Kaylee that obvious? Probably, yes, probably Kaylee was too obvious and too readily provoked. River was just guessing, just teasing, she didn't know.

River couldn't know how Kaylee felt about Mal.

She winced as she thought about that last bit.

_Bái mù!_

_Stupid! Stupid Kaylee._

Meanwhile, on another part of the ship, Mal watched Jayne stab at a block of protein with a vengeance.

"Just food Jayne," said Mal. "No need to make it bleed."

Jayne looked up from his plate. They were the only two sitting in the dining area as Jayne was always hungry, and Mal had found himself in a similar situation upon returning from Badger's.

But his own block of protein stared back at him uneaten.

Jayne eyed Mal. "At least I ain't avoid'n my food like a girl."

Mal gave Jayne a very stern look and Jayne shrugged. "I'm just saying, you did say you were hungry. All you've done since we got back is just out into nothingness."

Mal nodded. That was not untrue, he had been awful quiet.

"Don't see what the problem is," said the gunslinger as he chewed. "We basically got the job in the bag. Go to a ball, meet a contact, look presentable and the like. Hell, I could do it!"

Mal laughed at that. "You're telling me you wanna fancy yourself up? Wear respectable clothes? Carry no guns?" Mal's voice was much lower now. "Dance?"

Jayne shook his head and twirled his knife a bit. "You're gonna tell her aint you?"

Mal inwardly smiled. He was not looking forward to confronting Kaylee again, especially after what he had said.

She had looked mightily sad after he had told her she looked like a sheep.

Mal didn't really think that Kaylee would look like a sheep wearing a dress. He just couldn't really picture her in anything other than her mechanic clothes. And, besides, dresses were only the beginning.

_Slippery slope, that's what dresses were. _

_You wear a dress, next day you wanna do up your face a bit, keep your hands clean, before you know it…_

What?

_Before you know it, you're mechanic's become a girl._

Girls were dangerous to have on ships. Inara was all he could really handle. But, she wasn't a girl so much as a woman, far out of his league. Not that he wanted to be in that sort of league.

But that was not the only problem.

_You might lose her._

He was not really sure how he had managed to get from a puffy, frilly, dress to loosing Kaylee. But somehow it made a lot of sense in his mind.

Mal had told Jayne his plan to bring Kaylee to the ball, when they had first started eating. Jayne had said that Mal was just soft, always had to go apologizing for something or other. Mal then had reminded Jayne that most things didn't need apologizes, only some special times did you need to apologize.

Like insulting a girl.

Like insulting Kaylee.

Mal stood up then and coughed.

Jayne groaned and looked up. "Yeah?"

"I gonna go now," said Mal. "You know."

Jayne shrugged and began stabbing and harassing his food again. "Don't be nice or nothing."

"What?" Mal asked.

"You know," said Jayne between bites, "there's nice, then real nice, then coward nice."

"Just shut up and eat your food," said Mal leaving the dining area.

He walked through the halls of his strong, ever brave ship. Mal, enjoying his moments of solitude, closed his eyes and let the sounds of_ Serenity_ fill his ears and his heart. Malcolm Reynolds was not a man who showed himself to others. He rarely showed himself to himself. He let himself fly with his true love. For that moment, he was truly, himself.

And, when he closed his eyes, he saw, not the eternity of the 'verse, but her face.

She was smiling at him. Just standing there, smiling, with her brown eyes looking cheerful as ever.

Then Mal opened his eyes and regained his mask.

He brushed aside what he saw, and what he would not see.

"Kaylee!" he called. "Kaylee!"

_Where the hell is that girl?_

"Kaylee!"

Kaylee, for her part, heard the captain calling her name. His voice was getting closer and closer to her. She put on her most stern, dispassionate face, and opened her door.

She stepped out into the corridor.

"You bellowed?"

Kaylee looked up at her captain and tried to remember that she was angry at him. She remembered pretty easily, as he was looking so angrily at her.

"I have a job for you," he said in a monotone.

It was the only way, until he figured things out. And even when he figured things out, he would still not do anything.

She was his mei-mei, nothing else.

Besides, she probably was still crushing for Simon.

Mal tried to hide his sudden annoyance he felt towards the doctor, for no apparent reason.

No reason he was willing to see anyway.

"I'm not speaking to you captain," said Kaylee using her best bored voice.

"Don't need you to—" Mal stopped himself from finishing that sentence.

"To what?" Kaylee asked crossing her arms.

Mal sighed.

He was going to insult her again. Insulting her would have been the right thing to do, because it would have kept hidden the strangeness he felt towards her.

But, Mal, try as he might, could not force himself to say something mean to her.

"Just follow me," he said in a tired voice. "I need to show you something."

Kaylee shrugged and walked away with him.

The ship hummed, murmured, and gave off more noises. River, hidden in a small corner, watched and heard as everything unfolded. She smiled to herself at the puzzle pieces trying to align themselves.

It figured that she could work out how muddled other people's heads were when it came to love, but not her own.

River leaned her head against the cool wall of the ship. She wondered how the two of them would look as they walked into the ballroom together. She wondered if the two of them would dance together like the way trees swayed together in the wind.

She felt poked and prodded, as if she was still in the hands of the Alliance.

But what was being prodded was not her brain, but her heart.

"His eyes," whispered River to the ship, "they sparkled. Glowed like the sun, like the stars, like all the light in the entire 'verse."

River closed her eyes and muttered, "Gorramitt!"

** Saw that coming?? maybe maybe not though. Love to hear your thoughts**


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